ABOUT
I’M INTERESTED IN WHAT’S UNDERNEATH.
Most of us are pretty good at explaining what happened.
What someone said.
What we said back.
Why we reacted.
Why they were wrong.
Why we should have handled it differently.
We can build a very convincing story around almost anything.
But sometimes the story doesn't explain why we keep ending up in the same place.
That's where I get interested.
WHEN YOU'RE INSIDE IT, IT'S HARD TO SEE THE WHOLE THING.
You know what happened.
You know what they said.
You know what you felt.
You know what you think you should do.
But you’re seeing the whole thing from inside the situation.
That makes some things difficult to see.
The assumptions you’re making.
The part you’re playing.
What you’re actually asking for.
What you’re afraid might happen if you make a different choice.
That’s where an outside perspective can change things.
Not because someone else knows you better than you know yourself.
Because sometimes you need enough distance to see what you couldn’t see from inside it.
YOU’RE NOT BROKEN. YOU’RE NOT SOMETHING TO BE FIXED.
I’m not interested in putting you in a box.
Or labelling you.
Or diagnosing you.
Or deciding who’s right and who’s wrong.
I’m certainly not here to convince you that you’re broken and need fixing.
You are not your behaviour.
You’re not your worst decision, your worst reaction, or the thing you’re most ashamed of.
Understanding why you do something doesn’t excuse it.
But it can make it possible to look at what’s happening without turning against yourself.
The point isn’t to tell you who you are.
It’s to understand what’s happening well enough that you have a choice about what happens next.
SOMETIMES YOU ALREADY KNOW. YOU JUST CAN’T SEE IT YET.
You might know something isn’t right.
You might know you want to leave.
Or stay.
Say something.
Stop saying something.
Ask for what you actually want.
But knowing something and being able to see it clearly enough to act on it are two different things.
Sometimes the problem isn’t that you don’t have an answer.
It’s that you’re too close to the situation to trust what you already know.
That’s where a different perspective can matter.
i've been listening to people for a long time.
One-to-one is where I do my best work.
I’ve spent years listening to people talk about the things they can’t quite make sense of.
The relationship they keep getting wrong.
The decision they can’t make.
The behaviour they’re ashamed of.
The thing they want but can’t quite say.
The conversation they keep replaying.
And somewhere in all that talking, there is usually something worth noticing.
That’s the part I’m interested in.
HOW MUCH TIME HAVE YOU ALREADY SPENT THINKING ABOUT THIS?
You’ve gone over it.
Replayed it.
Analysed it.
Talked yourself out of it.
Talked yourself back into it.
Waited for things to become clearer.
And maybe they have.
Maybe they haven’t.
But you don’t get that time back.
The point isn’t to rush you into an answer.
It’s to stop spending the same time on the same question.
That’s where one good conversation can matter.
YOU DON’T NEED SOMEONE TO TELL YOU WHAT TO DO.
YOU NEED TO BE ABLE TO SEE YOUR CHOICES.
Sometimes that takes distance.
Sometimes it takes someone willing to sit with the uncomfortable parts without judging you, fixing you, or telling you who you should be.
Sometimes it takes one conversation to hear yourself differently.
What you do with what you see is up to you.
That’s the whole point.
